We live in a culture virtually enveloped by digital media, 24/7. For
adults and children alike, social media has become central to our very
identities -- both in how we interact with our close friends and family,
and in the many ways we present ourselves to, and engage with, our
broader worlds. As I prepare to speak at a symposium about
the influence of social media on our children's development, I have
been acutely aware of my own behavior as someone for whom social media
has become essential to both my professional and personal lives.
Just
this morning, I was in a 5 a.m. taxi headed to the airport, and
realized how cold and rude my behavior may have seemed to my cab driver,
who kept talking to me as my eyes stayed glued to my phone checking
early morning emails and posts. He was right there in the front seat,
and I'm not proud to say that I was too wrapped up in a different
conversation to respond gracefully. I think most of us have some version
of that kind of digital distraction that doesn't reflect who we truly
aspire to be.
When it comes to our kids, the worries are
multiplied. Just the other night, I heard a story from my friend of
three boys who were seniors at a local school. They were expelled from
school over an unfortunate sexting incident, the latest case of a
growing national phenomenon. We are concerned, rightly, about our
children's privacy, online bullying and about a digital trail of
youthful indiscretion that can follow our children in ways they may not
consider -- concerns we never had to worry about when we were their age.
It is overwhelming to us all as our policies and educational systems
struggle to keep up with the speed of our ever-changing digital world.
The
good news? We can find some encouragement and comfort by going back to
the pre-digital basics and keeping it simple with common sense from the
heart. Because almost everything we need to know about helping our kids
navigate and use social media productively and happily we all learned
ourselves in kindergarten. Here's what I mean about some old-fashioned
rules we can apply to the new digital road:
1. Walk Before You Run: Go
slow when introducing social media to your children. Just as you
carefully selected your child's first library of books, take the time to
put together a resource list of tools and sites that are an appropriate
fit for them developmentally.
2. Listen First, Talk Next: We
can use social media to learn about and listen to dialogues our
children are having. This is the most important lesson of the #IWillListen
campaign. Having a trusting, open relationship with our children is a
key element in building a foundation for navigating through these tricky
issues. As parents we have to be present to hear what our children are
expressing about their lives, online and off.
3. Play Nice in the Sandbox:
It seems like such a simple idea, to play nice with others. But too
often we know social media is associated with meanness. It doesn't have
to be that way. It's possible to have social media with soul -- using
this remarkable digital technology to make meaningful connections,
recognize and champion others, acknowledge the feelings we and others
may have and draw families and friends closer together even when we are
geographically distant. Social media can do that, but only when we act
with integrity and presence.
4. Look Both Ways Before Crossing (and hold my hand!).
Each time your child enters into a new social media platform, it's
critical to take the time to make sure you and they understand the
dynamics and implications. So, just like crossing the street for the
first time, parents need to stay close.
5. Take a Nap, and Get Your Rest!
Sometimes we need to take a break from it all. When we disconnect our
connections are so much more meaningful. We adults have learned later in
life that there's too much of a good thing when it comes to social
media. Taking time to unplug is essential.
6. Color Outside the Lines.
As in other areas of life and learning we want to teach our children
not to be afraid to be their own person, online and off. Just because
their friends are on social media, it doesn't mean they have to be. Kids
need our support in whatever choices are authentic and comfortable for
them. I am probably the only mother on the planet who wishes that her
adolescent son would get a cell phone and use a little bit of social
media.
7. Tell the Truth! Being aware and honest
about your own use of, and feelings about, social media is key to having
meaningful conversations and connections with your children. Opening up
authentically about your own questions and concerns can lead to
productive dialogues with kids of any age. Honesty is the first step
towards awareness and awareness can lead to healthy choices and change.
8. Perhaps Most Importantly, Practice What You Preach!
Long before kids have spoken their first words, they are watching and
observing us. That's why it's critical for parents to model healthy
social media use, for both work and personal communications. If you are
feeling, or are observing, smartphone and social media addictions in
your self or your children, put yourselves on a social media diet and
say no. This is one frontier where kids and parents are truly exploring
together how to find the right balance. A few unplugged hours outside
together as a family can work wonders in many ways!
In the end,
social media is an extension of what we already know, say and feel about
ourselves. And the basic rules of good behavior still apply. The
immediacy, pace, and multiplier effect is new, and that can be both
scary and empowering for us all. It's up to us to decide if we can
infuse these tools with the values that make us truly human -- at every
stage of our lives.(Didn't work for me though)
Place your comments people!
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